What would it mean if I got exactly what I want, how could I ever know, I couldn’t. I play with life and all that comes before me until I am calm. Now in these aging moments I want to choose more carefully as the bubble existing within me spills over and loss hangs as if a hook has been placed in the center of my soul. How can I want what I want at the depth of my being; I do. I see the play in my game has changed and no longer wants just amusement; I want reality. This must be a conscious choice with intention.
Is it arrogance or faith? I knew a year ago I had to stop my game and the rules gave way to watching another game continue. Was it a practice for the world you live in or just you doing you? What is you and who are you really? My story finds trust in how I am with you; perhaps only amusement for me. This has led me to a safe world where you do just as you want and allow me the same. Words and thought practices have brought me comfort.
What do you want from me? What do you want for me. I know what I want. Is this pushing an envelope I should never open? My longing is stealing my breath rather than giving breath. I want to understand just a portion of what I have become and see if I can be opened, healed. I want to tell you all my stories and entertain you as I want you to entertain me and give me remedial life where I have only fracture narrative wrapped in question marks emphasizing wonder. Do I wait or have I waited too long living in the moment because I had no intention only play. I need what is scratching inside to be given a band aid or a cure.
