"You don’t have to force the pieces to fit together if it’s not time. You don’t have to know. There is power sometimes in not knowing. There is power in letting go. Power in waiting. Power in stillness. Power in trust. There is power in letting the disconnected pieces be until they settle into a whole. The action you are to take will appear. Timely. Clearly. What you're going to do will become clear".
Some were it dawned on me after I have faced so many of my traumas lodged in my hard wiring. I was longing in the extension of my poetry to capture the straight lines causing me to fear. I have such strong reactions to life. I have heard if it’s hysterical it’s historical. I am far too polite to be hysterical, far too focused on the needs of others to let loose and be free enough in unrestrained thoughts and emotion. This often finds its way to parts of my body or in a joking humor to compensate for my conflict. All finding themselves surfacing tangentially. Straight lines are forgotten as I wait.
Today as I worked on a recent injury focused on centering my core and legs I realized when I was asked what I was feeling in my legs? Was it the simple burn one feels after exercise, no it was as if my legs were looking for engaging without the strength I needed and then as I wanted to search to make peace with my fear I realized my mother had always taken a ruler to my legs. Crying for me was not an option, realizing as I was coming to terms with my feelings, I knew I had the same lack of engagement with tears of feeling as a child and I knew this was a new layer to embrace my wholeness.
One of my jokes is that I have been playing Football all my life without a gamebook. I had my mother’s reactions as her book and now I am writing mine.
