Pissed; I’m pissed! The guttural cadence formed in the pit of my stomach finds the back of my mouth wanting to spit it out this word as soon as possible. Why exactly I don’t know. How the word Pissed can release a completely visceral response is beyond me. What I do know is that in England the word Pissed takes a different form, an enjoyable shape to go out and get drunk or a choice to give it a positive form; unless you get too pissed. It does make me pissed that my sensitivities, find my body responding deeply at such a simple word, expressing anger: Pissed. Truly I might rather go out and get drunk for enjoyment. Maybe at this point only partially drunk to numb the body's flight response within. In England, I was at a Pub and I used the word “Gobs” and was promptly told it was a bad word. The word Fuck also carried a a similar response to the word Pissed. What is all this about anyway? I think it became a word, enabled by my sensitivity, to the kind of punishment I grew up with. My mother frightened of her life and where she came from forced pretense on herself and her daughter. She hated the fact she was from West Virginia and my father promoted her doing so because he was from Boston. The word Fuck now comes out everywhere; in music, even desk buttons, when pushed, say Fuck. Body cream that says on the label; “Calm the Fuck Down” Once a similar feeling to the word pissed, has now found some ease, however, I do choose wisely where I use it. My continued need for approval and an echo that people who swore weren’t very smart. Oh I wanted to be smart!
Now how do I know what Pisses me off and why I am avoiding exploring the depths of my response. It is the Good Girl is showing her training and fear of having a wrath stirring my anger about being pissed off!
