Writing requires a great deal of focus; I would rather be talking and telling you this. I knew I had to capture you with choices of language that will make you want to read more. I opt for talking usually; I can see the person’s response and change my words or stop. This is my expressive drama creating itself in a self centered conversation. The visions I create in my psyche continue, my senses detonate. This is what I once found at my father’s rifle range, I’m sure of this. I now am much more secure and entertaining as I go chatting and laughing when possible.
In my family of origin sharing tales also seemed to have a boring effect; almost frightening without immediate feedback. Personal lives were to be private. I really learned a lot about the need for secrets from my mother and her southern roots. If the truth was boring a lie or embellishments were better. My secrets have taken a different form. I thought in the web of my life I wanted to tell one of my more shocking narratives. Beginning with the ones that gave me a sense of being a star running around again; I had looked at this but I now feel I can own who I was, without shame. I can acknowledge it in entirety; at least I think I can, in this continual self dialogue.
A few friends who are still in my life for some 45 years reminded me of my being quite the gal. I used to actually get asked for autographs. Why autographs? Well I had been on television, modeled, had a full page newspaper article written about my creative wedding and modeling. I had coverage of my work in other newspapers and a National magazine. Being in backstages with rock stars and doing lip sinks on television, which were popular at the time. I sat with the press at concerts and over drinks with rock stars and coffee with a movie star. I received a back rub from a soft and gentle folk singer, who had become quite famous. There are also the movie stars I could be flattered by and those stories I want to hide. Never wondering why I had a certain heir of a wild child for it was the 70’s, however untamed I became; nothing stopped me, until this part of my life. I have a very primal nature with a resilient spirit that just keeps going forward even in the eye of confusion and lack of direction. Money and Men taught me that nickels and dimes can shape a child's life.
