This notion of surrogacy is how I feel about my sexuality; the rallying of my own spirit as a sensual woman has been ignited. Not to say I am dying but I feel I am hanging on to my sensual self by a thread. To experience all the beauty I never allowed myself to believe I could have. Thinking I am now someone to have an Allures, unknowingly, not yet believed. I never felt beautiful, even though I was. This Is because of my childhood experiences , as a young woman and child, who moved through life with a love for men as I searched for another man and father that I never had... Now as I find torment in my nights, I want one last rally, knowing that I have a crush on a man who I “think” I can trust. I wanted to dance with my wild imagination. I am not dying but longing for attention.
Yes indeed I am a desperate old woman with a very young mind and spirit that wants to embrace being loved with the passion of a once young beautiful woman. I have just begun owning my beauty; I want to be with a man who is younger who treasures who I am. Much like the ownership of my being a poet with a new confidence, I feel the beauty of who I am. Nowhere now to engage this desperation outcome from a dream not knowing where I will go? I am going to breathe through this and hold my actions and thoughts as much as possible. Yet in my past thoughts I have seen what I focus on I attract. Ah but this caprice is just so pleasurable to have one last fling. What will the universe allow? Would it complicate or appease?
