As the day meets the evening and I was trapped in the car all day, driving to Michigan from New York. I am not thrilled to be here. Not because the home is not lovely, with people I have a long relationship with, however coming to a family I didn’t grow up with is extremely hard for I have always felt like an outsider. Actually I didn’t have a family growing up. It was the neighbors who created my history and makeshift siblings. All of whom left another form of modeling what it might be like to grow up in the same house. We didn’t have a car when I grew, it can be a hindrance in my being in the car. Remembering that my husband’s family has a language I seem not to speak, with interests I find hard. I have learned families all have their own language and issues. As we are now old we have a distance getting wider and wider. I am tired from the trip forming my tolerance for the comments can spark my needs to be a part of something comfortable. I just want to relax into this process. Not because it is right or wrong, I have grown into a place where I need to heal and understand why my needs create discomfort. I want to live in my own skin as much as I can and look for my comfort. They do accept me and this is a layer for me to learn acceptance for me and my particular way of being. I seem to need what I need to create my practice of tolerance.
