How do I care

Yesterday began as it always does and gradually I moved through the day with food, food, food. My need for having a chance to meet my own needs was met by making a luscious mock crab salad and putting it on my favorite roll. How I get ready for my own path and a reentry back to Buffalo will be met by a seven hour car ride. It will be the beginning of getting back to my own life. The dreams will soon be of my making and I can see how continually I am able to learn and meet my own needs and when I don’t have to pay a price. How silly I can be continually looking for my prize in learning to share my husband's happiness about seeing his family. Another rung on the ladder of my life. Help me learn and continually learn to flow with what is. Now after riding in the car told me a lot about my happiness. I was working at how to flow once again into my life when I decided to called my new daughter-in-laws mother for we share poetry and art. the car had been to quiet. I also admit to loving new friendships and newness in general. I talked so much about what I am doing. The proud little girl wanted to be acknowledged. Still I feel guilty when she is to tell me she is in the first stage of figuring out she has mouth Cancer. I take responsibility for her illness as I took care of my mothers. A little girl who was shown how to care for those who were suppose to take care of me. The rung on the ladder is shaking and have I stepped up or moved forward into how I take care of my life and still have compassion. All this will remain to be seen. My thoughts are tugging at my whole spirit and wondering will I have to navigate a new struggle as I move forward to figure out, is her illness for me to remember to appreciate my life further in the days ahead.

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